MICHAEL LOVATO | Professional Triathlete

 

PART BEAR. PART MAN. ALL AMERICAN

 

Catching up

Monday, June 5, 2006

It would appear that I have some catching up to do. It would appear that Amanda is a much better blogger than I. It would appear that I have yet to tell about the calf contest I entered last week.

So, I thought I’d boost my moral after a true lack of performance in Baja. I noticed that there was a calf contest at the local Fleet Feet. I figured this would be just the thing I needed to jump back into the competitive arena… with a go at the podium.

I arrived with Amanda, who was to be a guest judge (I figured that meant I’d have a bit of an advantage over the other boys.) I checked out a few of my competitors, and noticed that there were some pretty beefy guys out there. I hoped that my tan would carry me past them, and perhaps my smooth shave would add extra points in my favor. I was confident I could do moderately well, so I jumped right up to be contestant number one!

The last-minute rule recap indicated that style and size were the two main criteria for the judging. With no mention of complexion or hairlessness, I soon realized I’d need some help. I grabbed Amanda’s flip-flops, which sport a three-inch heel. I figured they’d bump me up in style, knowing I’d be middle of the road for size.

As contestant numero uno, I strutted my stuff, precariously perched on the tall sandals. I flexed, I ambled, I posed, I sauntered. I moved with grace–as much grace as the flops would allow–and I stood for my measurement. I notched a tad over 14 inches, a number that soon proved to be VERY common amongst my peers. Next step was to sit back and watch the show.

I truly enjoyed hooting and hollering at the others, and even coaxing some shy types to join in the fray. I was impressed by the largest lower legs, which stretched the tape at 16 1/4 inches!

After twenty calf-champ hopefuls passed by the scrutinizing eyes of my wife the Judge, and her two counterparts, we were all invited for a final flex-off.

Anticipation was dripping from the shoe displays.

(And I was getting a bit of a buzz from the beer I drank.)

(And I was wondering if the bodies attached to the sixteeners would get a buzz from just one beer.)

And then the Judges announced their final three! I didn’t hear my name, and I was listening for it. No such luck.

It seemed I had been smoked yet again. Ah well, the winners of the contest were well deserving of the honors. Silvio Guerra’s twelve+ calves were incredibly tan (or BROWN), very lean, and strutted with true style: first place. Contestant fourteen had the act down, and he combined it with a really bad outfit, and some bicycle chain grease, and a short strip tease: second place. And third place was an older, wiser, 16-inch-calf-having stud, who certainly displayed the most impressive ballet moves.

I was done for, but I was again reminded that it’s not always about winning, but rather getting out there and strutting your stuff.

2 Comment(s)

Bolder on 6/8/06 said:

um, yah, i guess you could say that with Amanda’s flip flops, at least you did toe the line.

thank you for not supplying pictures though, i may have had to scrub my eyes for a week with a toothbrush.

great fun post! now, where’s the Bolder Boulder report!

Eric on 6/9/06 said:

Now that is some competition. I don’t agree with Bolder though. Pictures are needed, espcecially the flip flops.

My tri-camp coach commented on my “ham-hocks” this past weekend and my wife calls them a freak of nature.

Keep the good reading coming.

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